Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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