What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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