Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
