I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
