i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
