can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
