The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
