she woke up with a sticky ear
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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