oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
