I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
