u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
