doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm bleeding and have questions
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
