You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
