so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
