Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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