on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
