I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize