Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
