I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
