My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
