oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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