Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
