Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
