operation harelip BJ is a go
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
