it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
50% drunk capacity currently
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Randomize
