Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We won't sleep together?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize