Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
