Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
