so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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