Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
