If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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