So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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