it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
