If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
