I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
