you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
