Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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