They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
