Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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