the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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