you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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