About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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