There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
