he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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