I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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