cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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