Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
