if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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