You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
