He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Two words: blizzard sex
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
