I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
