I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
