im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize