8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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