Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
