as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
