She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
