My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
