I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize