i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
