My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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