You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
