At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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