You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
