the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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