I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
