I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
