apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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