i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
