I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
