Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Life is so much better after having sex.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
