I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
