She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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