Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
