we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
