I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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