I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
